The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – A Guide for Couples
At Well Mind Body, we know that strong, healthy relationships are foundational to emotional well-being. Drawing from the work of Dr. John Gottman, the 'Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work' offer practical, research-based strategies that help couples build lasting love, resolve conflict effectively, and create deeper connection. Whether you’re newly married/partnered, facing long-standing challenges, or simply want to strengthen your bond, these principles provide a roadmap for relational growth and resilience.
1. Enhance Your Love Maps
Love maps are the detailed mental blueprints you hold of your partner’s inner world. This includes their dreams, fears, memories, and daily stressors. Couples who maintain and update their love maps regularly are more equipped to handle transitions and crises because they remain emotionally connected. At Well Mind Body, we encourage couples to routinely check in with one another and remain curious about how their partner is growing and evolving.
2. Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration
A positive perspective is key to a healthy relationship. Fondness and admiration form the emotional glue that holds a couple together through hard times. This means noticing and appreciating your partner’s good qualities and expressing respect often. Small gestures of kindness, gratitude, and affection go a long way in reinforcing a strong emotional bond.
3. Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away
Couples make emotional bids for attention and connection many times a day through words, gestures, or subtle expressions. How we respond to these bids matters. Turning toward means responding with interest or support, while turning away or against can create distance. At Well Mind Body, we help couples recognize these moments and build habits of emotional responsiveness to strengthen their connection.
4. Let Your Partner Influence You
Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and collaboration. Letting your partner influence you means being open to their opinions, sharing decision-making, and showing that their thoughts and feelings matter. This principle promotes equality and reduces power struggles in relationships.
5. Solve Your Solvable Problems
Not all conflicts are created equal. Some problems are solvable with communication and compromise. Gottman’s research outlines key tools like using a soft startup, practicing self-soothing, and learning to repair after disagreements. At Well Mind Body, we guide couples through structured problem-solving techniques that reduce tension and foster mutual understanding.
6. Overcome Gridlock
Gridlock occurs when couples get stuck in perpetual issues such as differences in core values, lifestyle preferences, or long-term dreams. The goal is not to eliminate these differences but to understand the deeper meaning behind them. Through empathy and dialogue, couples can move from gridlock to dialogue, creating space for compromise and growth.
7. Create Shared Meaning
Couples thrive when they share a vision for their life together. Creating shared meaning involves developing rituals of connection, supporting one another’s life goals, and cultivating a sense of purpose in the relationship. This principle helps couples build a culture that reflects their values, hopes, and shared dreams.
Strengthening Your Relationship with Support
Every couple faces challenges, but with the right tools and support, those challenges can become opportunities for connection and growth. At Well Mind Body, we use evidence-based approaches like the Gottman Method and Emotion Focused Therapy to help couples implement these principles in real, meaningful ways. If you’re ready to build a stronger relationship, our team is here to support you every step of the way.
Thank you for being here!
Dr. E
