The Importance of Adult Friendships

As kids, socializing with other kids was a priority and connection might have felt easier for some. A shared lunch, a favorite color, or sitting next to someone in class was all it took. But as adults, the ease of building and maintaining friendships often fades into the background of careers, caregiving, and the chaos of daily responsibilities. Still, adult friendships are not just “nice to have”—they’re essential for emotional well-being, mental health, and even physical health (Umberson & Thomeer, 2020).

Why Adult Friendships Matter

Emotional Support and Validation
Adult friendships provide a vital emotional anchor. Whether you’re navigating parenting challenges, personal loss, or career transitions, having someone who understands you, listens without judgment, and simply says, “You’re not alone,” can be profoundly healing (Holt-Lunstad, 2021).

Improved Mental Health
Research consistently shows that adults with close, supportive friendships experience lower rates of anxiety and depression. Meaningful connections release oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”), reduce stress levels, and build resilience against life’s inevitable ups and downs (Vaillancourt-Morel et al., 2022).

Physical Health Benefits
Strong social ties are linked to lower blood pressure, better immune function, and even increased longevity. Some studies suggest that social isolation may be as harmful to health as smoking or obesity (National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine [NASEM], 2020).

Identity Beyond Roles
Many adults lose themselves in roles—parent, spouse, employee. Friendships remind us who we are outside those responsibilities. They reconnect us to our interests, humor, dreams, and stories (Rawlins, 2021).

Shared Joy and Belonging
Joy multiplies when it’s shared. Whether it’s a spontaneous lunch date, a text thread of inside jokes, or a deep conversation over coffee, friends help us feel seen, understood, and truly known (Feeney & Collins, 2023).

Navigating the Challenges of Adult Friendship

It’s true that adult life can make friendship hard. People move. Schedules fill. Vulnerability feels riskier. But meaningful friendships in adulthood require intentionality and persistence:

• Reach out first. Don’t wait. Send the text. Make the plan.

• Be honest. Share your struggles as well as your successes.

• Invest time. Small, regular moments matter more than grand gestures.

• Allow imperfection. Not every friendship has to be everything. Different people meet different needs (Pillemer, 2021).

What to Do When Friendships Drift or Break

Friendship isn’t always easy. Sometimes even the most meaningful relationships can drift apart or experience ruptures due to miscommunication, life changes, or emotional distance. When this happens, it's important to approach the situation with compassion for both for yourself and the other person.

Start by checking in with your own feelings: do you want to repair the friendship, or has it run its course?

If you’re open to reconnecting, consider reaching out gently, acknowledging the distance or conflict, and expressing a desire to talk. Be prepared for a range of responses. Sometimes friendships are seasonal, Not all friendships will return to what they once were.

Grieving a Friendship
The grief that can come with a friendship changing can be incredibly overwhelming. The end or transformation of a meaningful friendship can bring a unique kind of grief; one that is often overlooked or minimized by others. Unlike romantic breakups or familial estrangements, the loss of a friendship may not be publicly acknowledged, but its emotional impact can be just as profound.

When a friendship fades, shifts, or ends abruptly, it can leave behind feelings of confusion, rejection, sadness, and even guilt. You may mourn not only the person but the version of yourself you were with them, the memories shared, and the future moments that will now go unshared. This grief deserves space and compassion. Just as we honor other forms of loss, it’s important to acknowledge the deep emotional bond that friendships represent and allow ourselves to feel, reflect, and heal when they change or come to an end. Closure can be just as valuable as connection (Carter, 2022). Recognize that friendship, like any relationship, takes effort and care, but also benefits from grace and flexibility.

A Gentle Reminder

You don’t need a huge circle. A few trusted friends who truly get you can make all the difference. And it’s never too late to reconnect, rekindle, or reach out.

In a world that can feel increasingly disconnected, adult friendship is not a luxury—it’s a lifeline. Make space for it. Fight for it. Your mind, heart, and body will thank you.

Thank you for being here!

Dr. E

References

Carter, A. J. (2022). The friendship fix: Rebuilding connections in a disconnected world. Harmony Books.

Feeney, B. C., & Collins, N. L. (2023). A theoretical perspective on the interplay between relationships and well-being. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 32(1), 28–34. https://doi.org/10.1177/09637214221139751

Holt-Lunstad, J. (2021). Social connection as a public health issue: The evidence and a systemic framework for prioritizing the “social” in social determinants of health. Annual Review of Public Health, 42, 193–213. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-publhealth-082420-110732

National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. (2020). Social isolation and loneliness in older adults: Opportunities for the health care system. The National Academies Press. https://doi.org/10.17226/25663

Pillemer, K. (2021). Fault lines: Fractured families and how to mend them. Avery.

Rawlins, W. K. (2021). The compass of friendship: Narratives, identities, and dialogues. Routledge.

Umberson, D., & Thomeer, M. B. (2020). Family matters: Research on family ties and health, 2010–2020. Journal of Marriage and Family, 82(1), 404–419. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12640

Vaillancourt-Morel, M. P., Rellini, A. H., Godbout, N., & Sabourin, S. (2022). The protective role of close relationships in mental health: A systematic review. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 39(2), 319–340. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075211052871

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