How to Talk to Elementary-Aged Children About Loss and Death
In the Wake of Heartbreak: Supporting Our Children Through Unimaginable Loss
In the aftermath of the catastrophic flooding in the Texas Hill Country, our hearts ache alongside the many families now forced to face the unimaginable. Entire communities, including many right here in Houston, are grieving young lives cut short too soon. As a mother, as a therapist, and as a member of this hurting community, I grieve with you. The pain is overwhelming, the questions are many, and there are no words that can fix what’s been broken.
For parents, caretakers, and educators, one of the hardest things in moments like this is knowing how to talk to children about what has happened. How do you explain that their friend, classmate, cousin, or sibling won’t be coming back home? How do you offer comfort when your own heart is completely shattered?
This is a blog I never thought I would have to write but with the sheer amount of loss that has occurred in our community and beyond, I thought it might be helpful to put this information out there for parents and caregivers to read. Please know that we are here for you and you do not have to work through any of this tremendous loss alone.
Please find below guidance on how to talk to children about death and loss with empathy, clarity, and care. Whether your child has been directly affected or is processing the tragedy from a distance, know this: you are not alone, and your child doesn’t have to be either.
“What Does It Mean to Die?” – A Question Every Parent Dreads
When a child experiences the loss of a loved one, whether it's a grandparent, pet, teacher, or even a peer, they often ask questions that feel impossible to answer. As adults, we may want to protect them from pain, but avoiding the topic of death can actually create more confusion and fear.
At Well Mind Body, our trauma-informed therapists specialize in helping families have honest, age-appropriate conversations about death. Please know that with gentle guidance, children can learn to understand loss, process grief, and feel safe asking questions about what comes next.
What Children Ages 5–11 Understand About Death
Grief looks different for kids. While they may not have the vocabulary to express deep sadness, they still feel the impact of loss in their bodies, behavior, and play.
Developmental understandings of death at this age:
Ages 5–7: May believe death is reversible or temporary. Magical thinking is common (“If I’m really good, they might come back.”).
Ages 8–11: Begin to understand that death is final and universal. May ask complex spiritual or existential questions.
Children may express grief through:
Increased anxiety or separation fears
Anger, irritability, or acting out
Physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches)
Regression (bedwetting, clinging behavior)
Repetitive play or drawing about the loss
It's important to know that children often express grief in ways that may not look like sadness.
After a loss, it’s completely normal for kids to experience increased anxiety or fears about being separated from their caregivers. They may become more irritable, act out, or seem unusually angry. Some children complain of physical discomfort like headaches or stomachaches, even when there’s no clear medical cause. Regression is also common. Bedwetting, needing extra reassurance, or wanting to be close all the time are things that we typically see after a child experiences a significant loss. Some children may process their emotions through repetitive play or drawings that reflect the loss. These are all natural, age-appropriate ways for children to try to make sense of something that feels overwhelming. Grief shows up in the body and behavior before it ever finds words.
How to Talk to Kids About Death
1. Be Honest, But Gentle
Use clear, age-appropriate language. Avoid euphemisms like “passed away” or “went to sleep,” which can confuse kids or even cause fear of bedtime.
Say: “Grandpa died. That means his body stopped working, and he won’t be coming back.”
Avoid: “He went away” or “He’s sleeping now.”
2. Follow Their Lead
Answer only the questions they ask and be prepared for them to circle back later. Repetition helps them understand and process.
3. Let Them Feel What They Feel
Validate their emotions: “It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be mad. We can feel it together.” Let them cry, talk, or even play through their grief.
4. Use Books and Stories
Stories can help normalize death and give children words for their feelings. Here area a few developmentally appropriate books we recommend for parents to read after a loss:
The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
When Dinosaurs Die by Laurie Krasny Brown
Lifetimes by Bryan Mellonie
The Memory Box by Joanna Rowland
Voyage to the Star Kingdom by Anne Riley
5. Include Childrens in Rituals
Let kids participate in memorials, write letters, light a candle or make a memory box that honors your loved one. Giving them a role can help them feel connected and included.
6. Reassure Their Safety
Children may worry others will die too. Remind them that most people live a long time and that they are loved and cared for.
7. Let Them See You Grieve
Modeling healthy grief shows children it’s okay to cry, to talk about the person who died, and to remember them.
What If I Don’t Know the Right Thing to Say?
You don’t need to have all the answers. What matters most is your presence, not your perfection. Say:
“I don’t know why this happened, but I’m here with you.”
“We’re going to keep talking about it, whenever you’re ready.”
“You are not alone.”
Telling a Child Their Friend or Sibling Has Died in the Recent Texas Hill Country Floods : A Script for Parents and Caregivers
“I need to tell you something really important, and it’s going to be very hard to hear. I want you to know that you are safe, and I am right here with you.”
“There was a big flood in the Hill Country. A lot of people got hurt, and some people were lost. We’ve been waiting and hoping, but we found out that [Name] died in the flood.”
“That means their body stopped working, and they won’t be coming back. I know that’s a really big thing to hear. It’s okay to cry or feel mad or even feel confused. Whatever you’re feeling, we can talk about it together.”
“I miss [Name] too. I’m really sad. We’re going to remember them and talk about them whenever you want. We can look at pictures, write letters, or just sit and be quiet if that helps.”
“If you have questions, you can ask me anytime, even if it’s later, or if you want to ask the same question again and again. I will always try to answer honestly.”
“And I want you to know this: you are safe, and you are loved. We’re going to take care of each other.”
When to Seek Support
If your child is struggling with intense emotions, sleep issues, behavioral changes, or doesn’t seem to be coping after a couple of weeks, grief counseling can help.
At Well Mind Body, our licensed child therapists create a safe space for children to:
Express their grief through art, play, and conversation
Learn healthy coping skills
Process fears and develop emotional resilience
We also support parents in navigating their own grief while caring for their children.
Remember, It’s Okay to Say the Word “Death”
Talking about death won’t harm children, but avoiding the topic can create more distress. When we speak openly and lovingly about loss, we give kids the tools they need to face life’s hardest moments with courage, connection, and healing.
Additional Resources
National Alliance for Children’s Grief: https://childrengrieve.org
Need Support?
Please email us: info@wellmindbody.co
Book a session: www.wellmindbody.co
At Well Mind Body, we are offering free crisis counseling to any individuals or families impacted by the recent tragedy in the Texas Hill Country.
Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one, supporting a child through loss, or simply trying to make sense of the overwhelming emotions, our trauma-informed therapists are here for you. We are providing both virtual and in-person sessions to ensure support is accessible during this deeply painful time. Please email us at info@wellmindbody.co to be connected with a counselor. You are not alone.
-Dr. E
