Grief Isn’t Just About Death: Understanding All the Ways We Grieve

When most people hear the word grief, they think of death, and understandably so. The loss of a loved one is among the most heartbreaking experiences we can endure. But what many don’t realize is that grief can arise from many kinds of losses, even those that aren’t recognized by society or validated by those around us.

At Well Mind Body, we want to expand the conversation around grief. We see clients every day who are mourning invisible losses: the end of a friendship, a health diagnosis, a dream that will never be realized. These are real, valid, and often deeply painful experiences. These losses also deserve support.

A Note on the Flooding in Hunt, Texas

In the wake of the devastating July 4th floods in Hunt, Texas, families are grieving far more than the loss of life, they are grieving the loss of entire lives. Homes, treasured belongings, childhood memories, and a sense of safety were all swept away in a matter of moments. For many, there has been no closure, no certainty, and no return to normal. This kind of layered loss, where grief is compounded by trauma and shock, requires compassionate, trauma-informed care. At Well Mind Body, our hearts are with the Camp Mystic and the entire Kerrville community. We are here to hold space for your grief, in all its forms.

What Is Disenfranchised Grief?

Disenfranchised grief is a term used to describe grief that isn’t socially acknowledged, openly mourned, or publicly supported (Doka, 2002). This includes grief stemming from:

• Divorce or the end of a relationship

• Infertility or miscarriage

• Chronic illness or disability

• Loss of identity, career, or faith

• Estrangement from family or friends

• Moving, immigration, or cultural dislocation

• Secondary Trauma

Because these experiences often lack public rituals (like funerals) or communal support, individuals experiencing disenfranchised grief may feel isolated, invalidated, or confused about their emotions.

Understanding Secondary Trauma
Secondary trauma, sometimes called vicarious trauma, occurs when individuals absorb the emotional pain and distress of others. This can happen through listening to stories of survival, supporting those who are grieving, or simply being part of a community affected by tragedy. Symptoms may mirror those of direct trauma, such as anxiety, trouble sleeping, irritability, or emotional numbness.

Helpers, caregivers, and even witnesses can carry the emotional weight of others’ suffering. Recognizing and addressing secondary trauma is a crucial part of healing, and our therapists are here to help you process these experiences with care and support.

Ambiguous Loss: When Closure Isn’t Possible

Some grief doesn’t even come from a clear ending. Ambiguous loss refers to a loss that remains unclear or unresolved. Examples could be caring for a loved one with dementia, losing contact with a family member, or being unable to say goodbye during a crisis like a pandemic or natural disaster (Boss, 2007).

Ambiguous losses can be particularly difficult because:

• The grief is ongoing

• There may be guilt or uncertainty

• Social support may be minimal or absent

These types of losses often require a different therapeutic approach. These experiences requires support that focuses on meaning-making, resilience, and processing grief without closure (Boss, 2022).

Grieving the Unknown

One of the most painful, and often overlooked, forms of grief is the grief of not knowing. When outcomes are uncertain or clarity never comes, the brain and body can remain stuck in a state of hypervigilance, helplessness, or longing. This might show up as waiting for answers after a diagnosis, wondering if a relationship will ever repair, or facing a future that no longer feels clear. In trauma therapy, we call this anticipatory grief, the mourning of what might be lost, what could have been, or what we may never fully understand. This form of grief is often exhausting and isolating, but it's valid and it's real.

Common Types of Non-Death Grief We See in Therapy

At Well Mind Body, we support individuals and families working through:

• Loss after catastrophic event: Many families experience extreme loss of homes and belonging after severe weather events. The pain that comes with losing our home and our belongings can be extraordinary.

• Infertility or pregnancy loss: Many women and couples grieve silently after miscarriage or IVF failure, unsure where to turn or how to cope.

• Divorce or separation: The end of a marriage is the loss of a shared future, and it often brings grief similar to death, especially for children.

• Chronic illness diagnoses: Whether it’s a physical or mental health condition, chronic illness can trigger mourning for one’s former self.

• Estrangement: Losing connection with a parent, sibling, or child, especially when it feels unresolved, can be heartbreaking and complex.

• Friendship loss: Friends are often like chosen family, and losing a deep friendship can feel devastating, even if it’s rarely talked about.

Grief isn’t limited to a timeline or a checklist. It’s personal, cyclical, and worthy of compassion, no matter the cause.

Therapy for Grief in Houston

Our trauma-informed therapists offer compassionate care for individuals navigating invisible grief. Whether your loss is acknowledged by others or not, we are here to listen, validate, and walk with you through the healing process.

Therapeutic support may include:

• Narrative therapy or meaning-making

• Trauma informed approaches for trauma-linked grief

• Mindfulness and nervous system regulation

• Support for navigating anniversaries, holidays, or reactivated loss

You don’t have to “justify” your grief to receive help. If you are struggling, your pain is real, and you deserve support.

You Don’t Have to Grieve Alone

At Well Mind Body, our licensed clinicians are trained to work with disenfranchised and ambiguous grief. Whether you're mourning the end of a relationship, loss of a loved one, the loss of your health, or anything else, we’re here to help you through it.

We serve clients in person in Houston and virtually throughout Texas.

Request a consultation with a therapist today.

References

Boss, P. (2007). Ambiguous loss: Learning to live with unresolved grief. Harvard University Press.

Boss, P. (2022). The myth of closure: Ambiguous loss in a time of pandemic and change. W. W. Norton & Company.

Doka, K. J. (2002). Disenfranchised grief: Recognizing hidden sorrow. Lexington Books.