Tips for Parents: Supporting Kids with Big Feelings, When They Don’t Want to Talk

When children experience overwhelming emotions, they may not always be able or willing to talk about what they’re feeling. As a parent, it can be hard to know how to help when your child withdraws or shuts down. These gentle, trauma-informed tips can help you connect and support your child, even when words are few.

Normalize Silence and Allow Space

Let them know it’s okay not to have word to describe how they might be feeling.
Say things like:
“Sometimes feelings are so big, they don’t fit into words right away.”

Understand Internal vs. External Processing

Children, like adults, process emotions differently. Internal processors tend to work through their feelings privately—often through reflection, journaling, or quiet activities. They may need space and time before they’re ready to talk, and sometimes they won’t verbalize their feelings at all. In contrast, external processors often think and feel out loud, gaining clarity and relief by talking through their experiences with others. Understanding this difference can help you support your child in a way that honors their unique way of coping—without mistaking silence for avoidance or talkativeness for overreaction.

Offer Presence, Not Pressure

No human likes to feel pressured. Remember that it is healthy and ok to just be near your child while letting them know you are there for them. Things like reading a book, sitting on the floor, or riding in the car can be powerful.
Avoid repeated questions like “What’s wrong?”

Instead, try phrases that allow them to know you are there for them:
“I’m here when you’re ready.”
“You don’t have to talk, just know I am here for you.”

How to Connect with Kids Who Struggle to Open Up

When your child isn’t ready or able to share what they’re feeling, connection often happens in the quiet moments. Look for opportunities to bond without the pressure of deep conversation.

Try going for a walk, bake something together, do a puzzle, or play a game. These moments of shared activity build safety and trust. Over time, these low-pressure spaces often open the door for more vulnerable conversations. You can also narrate your own emotions gently, modeling healthy emotional responses without expecting a response:
“I felt really overwhelmed earlier, so I took some deep breaths to calm down.” This teaches them that all feelings are welcome, even when they’re hard to talk about.

Use Indirect Outlets

When kids are overwhelmed or shut down, going straight at the big feelings can feel intrusive, like putting them on the spot. That’s why I often encourage parents to “saddle up sideways.” This means approaching emotions indirectly, through creative expression and non-verbal play, rather than forcing a conversation they may not be ready for. No one likes to be cornered into sharing, especially when they're unsure of what they’re feeling. Indirect outlets allow children to express themselves safely, in their own time and on their own terms.

Try encouraging expression through:

• Drawing or painting – Let the art do the talking. Often, what kids can’t say out loud, they can show in colors, shapes, or scenes.

• Play – Symbolic or imaginative play (like superheroes, animals, or families) gives kids a way to process emotions with a layer of safety and control.

• Music or dance – Movement and rhythm help release energy and feelings that are too big or complex to put into words.

• Journaling or writing letters – Invite them to write to someone real (a grandparent, friend, or pet) or imaginary (a superhero or character they admire). It doesn’t matter if they send it, the act of writing can bring relief and clarity.

By stepping gently to the side, rather than head-on, we give children a chance to open up without pressure. It’s a powerful way to help them feel heard, even when they’re not quite ready to speak.

Validate All Feelings, Even the Big Ones

Say:
“It makes sense to feel scared, mad, or sad after something hard.”
“You’re not in trouble for having big feelings.”

Create Routines and Predictability

Structure helps kids feel safe. Maintain sleep and meal routines as much as possible, even during times of stress or change.

Name Feelings for Them, Without Forcing Conversation

Gently mirror what you notice:
“Your fists are tight. I wonder if you might be feeling mad.”
“You’ve been extra quiet, I’m guessing you might be feeling sad or worried.”

Model Calm and Safety

Kids borrow emotional regulation from the adults around them.
Take deep breaths together. You can say:
“Let’s be still together for a minute. Breathe in like you’re smelling flowers, and out like you’re blowing out candles.”

Use Comfort Items or Rituals

Weighted blankets, loveys, bedtime stories, or prayers can offer grounding.
Try creating a small “safe space” corner with pillows, books, and calm lights.

Talk Through Their Behavior

Sometimes “not talking” shows up as anger, defiance, or regression. Instead of discipline, approach with curiosity:
“I wonder if your body is trying to say something your words can’t yet.”

Know When to Ask for Help

If your child continues to show signs of distress such as nightmares, loss of appetite, aggression, withdrawal, or regression, it may be time to involve a trauma-informed child therapist.

At Well Mind Body, our compassionate, trauma-informed therapists are here to walk alongside you and your child through life’s most overwhelming moments. Whether your child is struggling with big feelings, shutting down emotionally, or acting out in ways you don’t understand, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

Our team is trained to support children, teens, and families with evidence-based approaches that foster safety, connection, and healing. If you’re feeling concerned or simply need guidance, reach out today, we’re here to help your family feel seen, supported, and empowered every step of the way.

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