The Fawn Response: Understanding People-Pleasing as a Trauma-Induced Nervous System State
“Why can’t I just say no?”
If you’ve ever asked yourself this question after agreeing to something that drained you emotionally, mentally, or physically, you’re not alone. Many people mistake chronic people-pleasing for kindness or empathy, when in fact, it may be a deeply ingrained survival response to trauma. This behavior—known as the “fawn response”—is more than a personality quirk. It’s a nervous system reaction shaped by experiences of fear, neglect, or emotional invalidation.
People-pleasing is often perceived as a benign or even commendable trait. However, when it becomes a chronic pattern, it may signify a deeper, trauma-induced response known as the “fawn” response. Recognized alongside fight, flight, and freeze, the fawn response is a survival mechanism where individuals appease others to avoid conflict and ensure safety.
The Fawn Response Explained
Coined by psychotherapist Pete Walker, the fawn response involves prioritizing others’ needs over one’s own to avoid potential threats or conflicts. This behavior often develops in environments where asserting oneself led to negative consequences, such as punishment or emotional withdrawal. Over time, the individual learns to suppress their own needs and prioritize others’ to maintain harmony and avoid perceived threats .
Neurobiological Underpinnings
The polyvagal theory provides insight into the physiological basis of the fawn response. According to this theory, the autonomic nervous system has a hierarchical structure comprising the immobilization (freeze), mobilization (fight or flight), and social engagement systems. The fawn response aligns with the social engagement system, where individuals use social behaviors to manage threats. Trauma can disrupt this system, leading to maladaptive responses like chronic people-pleasing .
Health Implications of Chronic People-Pleasing
Engaging in the fawn response consistently can have detrimental effects on both mental and physical health:
Mental Health: Chronic people-pleasers often experience anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. The constant suppression of personal needs can lead to feelings of resentment and identity loss
Physical Health: The stress associated with fawning can manifest physically, leading to issues like sleep disturbances, headaches, and gastrointestinal problems. Over time, this chronic stress can contribute to more severe health conditions, such as hypertension and weakened immune function .
Pathways to Healing
Recognizing the fawn response is the first step toward recovery. Therapeutic approaches that can aid in healing include:
Trauma Informed Therapy: Addresses the physical manifestations of trauma stored in the body.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Identifies and challenges limiting beliefs about self-worth and the need for external validation.
Mindfulness Practices: Enhances present-moment awareness and emotional resilience.
Boundary Coaching: Teaches individuals to set and maintain healthy boundaries without guilt
While people-pleasing may seem like a benign behavior, its roots in the fawn response highlight a complex interplay between trauma and survival mechanisms. Understanding and addressing this response is crucial for mental and physical well-being. Through therapeutic interventions and self-awareness, individuals can learn to prioritize their needs, establish healthy boundaries, and cultivate authentic relationships.
If you recognize yourself in the patterns of people-pleasing or suspect you’ve been living in a chronic fawn response, know that healing is possible—and you don’t have to navigate it alone. At Well Mind Body, our integrative team of licensed professionals offers trauma-informed psychotherapy and holistic wellness services to help you reconnect with your authentic self, set healthy boundaries, and build nervous system resilience. Let us support you in rewriting the patterns that no longer serve you. Book your session with us today and take the first step toward healing and wholeness.
Thank you for or being here,
Dr. E
References
Bailey, R., Dugard, J., Smith, S. F., & Porges, S. W. (2023). Appeasement: replacing Stockholm syndrome as a definition of a survival strategy. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 14(1), 2161038. https://doi.org/10.1080/20008066.2022.2161038
Bardeen, J. R. (2020). The regulatory role of attention in PTSD from an information processing perspective. In M. T. Tull & N. A. Kimbrel (Eds.), Emotion in Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (pp. 311–341). Academic Press. https://doi.org/10.1016/B978-0-12-816022-0.00011-9
Khiron Clinics. (n.d.). The Subtle Effects of Trauma: People Pleasing. Retrieved from https://khironclinics.com/blog/people-pleasing/
Psychotherapy Kuchenna. (2024, October 27). The Impact of People-Pleasing on Mental Health, Relationships, and Personal Fulfillment. Retrieved from https://www.psychotherapykuchenna.com/2024/10/27/the-impact-of-people-pleasing-on-mental-health-relationships-and-personal-fulfillment/
Balance Rehab Clinic. (n.d.). People Pleasing Trauma | Causes | Symptoms | and Healing. Retrieved from https://balancerehabclinic.com/people-pleasing-trauma/
Astray, T. (2025, March 25). What If People-Pleasing Is Holding You Back? A Trauma-Informed Guide to Leadership & Boundaries. Retrieved from https://www.tatianaastray.com/mastering-the-self/2025/3/25/what-if-people-pleasing-is-holding-you-back-a-trauma-informed-guide-to-boundaries-leadership-and-growth
