Why Is It So Hard to Ask for Help When You’re Struggling?
Most of us have been there, carrying the weight of stress, anxiety, or emotional pain in silence, even when we know deep down we could use support. Reaching out for help should feel simple, but for many, it is one of the hardest steps to take. At Well Mind Body, we see this every day, individuals who have been suffering quietly for months or even years before they finally walk through our doors. Please know that you do not have to suffer alone.
Why is it so difficult to ask for help when we need it most? There are SO many reasons!
Stigma and Misconceptions About Mental Health
One of the strongest barriers to people getting the help that they may need is stigma, the fear of being judged, misunderstood, or labeled. Even though mental health awareness has grown in recent years, many people still believe that asking for help means they are weak, broken, or “failing” at life. This is simply just not true!
Studies show that stigma significantly reduces help-seeking behaviors, especially among adults in high-stress environments and adolescents navigating identity development (Han & Chen, 2021). Internalized stigma can create shame, leading people to avoid therapy even when symptoms worsen.
Belief in Self-Reliance
Cultural and societal values often celebrate independence and resilience. While self-reliance can be positive, it can also prevent people from reaching out when they need support. Just because we think we can handle something alone, doesn’t mean we have to or that handling it alone is the healthiest route.
Research shows that people who strongly value self-reliance are less likely to seek professional help, especially men and individuals from cultures that emphasize toughness and endurance (Kulesza et al., 2020). This “I should handle it on my own” mindset can lead to prolonged suffering.
Fear of Vulnerability
Opening up about what hurts requires vulnerability, and vulnerability can feel terrifying sometimes. Many people fear that if they share their struggles, others might reject them, minimize their pain, or view them differently.nIt is important to remember that therapists are here to help, not judge you! It is also important to note that you can take theray and slow as you need to, there is no race.
A recent study highlights that fear of vulnerability and negative evaluation is a major predictor of delayed help-seeking (Nguyen-Feng et al., 2022). For trauma survivors, this fear may be even stronger, as safety and trust have been compromised in the past.
Lack of Awareness and Understanding
Some people simply don’t know what therapy involves or what resources are available. They may imagine therapy as lying on a couch and rehashing childhood memories, rather than a collaborative, evidence-based process. Here at Well Mind Body we take a very collaborative and connective approach with our clients. We have a couch, but you definitely don’t need to lay on it! That is unless you want to…then we are ok with that too.
Research shows that limited mental health literacy such as not knowing symptoms, resources, or how therapy works is strongly linked to avoidance of professional support (Gorczynski et al., 2021).
Overwhelm and Decision Fatigue
When someone is already exhausted, anxious, or depressed, the idea of searching for a therapist, figuring out insurance, or scheduling appointments can feel impossible. That first phone call or email can be the hardest part. Please know we are here to support you every step of the way.
Studies show that stress and cognitive overload reduce motivation to seek support, even when people recognize the need (Rickwood et al., 2021). In short, the more overwhelmed someone feels, the less likely they are to take action.
Shut Down Nervous System States
Another powerful reason people don’t reach out for help lies in the body’s own biology. When stress, trauma, or prolonged overwhelm become too much, the nervous system can shift into a “shut down” state, also called hypoarousal or dorsal vagal activation in polyvagal theory.
In this state, people may feel numb, disconnected, exhausted, or paralyzed by hopelessness. Rather than feeling anxious and restless, they may feel like they’ve “given up.” This is not a conscious choice but a protective survival response: the body and brain conserve energy by withdrawing.
Research supports that these autonomic responses directly influence help-seeking. Nervous system dysregulation is linked to avoidance, difficulty engaging in social connection, and increased barriers to accessing care (Kolacz et al., 2020). Prolonged hypoarousal has been associated with decreased motivation, impaired executive function, and challenges in initiating help-oriented behaviors (Smith et al., 2021).
Trauma-informed interventions emphasize that for people in shut down states, gentle regulation practices such as grounding, breathwork, somatic awareness, and safe relational connection are crucial first steps to healing (Van der Kolk & Fisher, 2021; Williams et al., 2022). At Well Mind Body, we integrate these approaches, recognizing that therapy often begins not with “talking it out” but with restoring enough nervous system safety for connection and healing to be possible.
The Cost of Silence
Not asking for help doesn’t mean the problem goes away. Avoiding support can lead to worsening symptoms, strained relationships, and a lower quality of life. On the flip side, reaching out, even with a small step, can open the door to relief, connection, and healing.
How our Therapists at Well Mind Body Can Help
At Well Mind Body, we understand how hard that first step can be. That’s why we’ve built a compassionate, trauma-informed practice designed to make reaching out easier. Our services include:
Group support, such as Alberta Totz’s Women’s Divorce Empowerment Group
Specialized care for teens and young adults with Zoe Sheehan, CSC, LPC-Associate
Integrative options like genetic, nutritional, and pharmacogenomic testing
Whole-person care that honors the connection between mind and body
If you’ve been waiting for the “right time” to seek support, consider this your sign. You don’t have to carry the weight alone.
Visit www.wellmindbody.co to book an appointment today.
References
Feldman, R., Monachino, A. D., & Cikara, M. (2022). Polyvagal perspectives on trauma, nervous system states, and barriers to help-seeking. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 870912. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.870912
Gorczynski, P., Sims-Gould, J., Hoang, S., & Khan, K. (2021). Exploring the role of mental health literacy on help-seeking behaviors in adults: A systematic review. Journal of Mental Health, 30(3), 295–306. https://doi.org/10.1080/09638237.2020.1713996
Han, J., & Chen, Y. (2021). Stigma, self-stigma, and help-seeking attitudes among individuals with mental health concerns: A meta-analysis. Psychiatry Research, 302, 114–121. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2021.114021
Kolacz, J., Kovacic, K. K., & Porges, S. W. (2020). Traumatic stress and autonomic regulation: Applications of polyvagal theory in trauma treatment. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 11, 560. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2020.00560
Kulesza, M., Pedersen, E. R., Corrigan, P. W., & Marshall, G. N. (2020). Help-seeking stigma and mental health treatment utilization among U.S. adults. Psychiatric Services, 71(10), 1019–1025. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ps.202000017
Nguyen-Feng, V. N., Howard, A. B., & Frazier, P. A. (2022). Barriers to mental health help-seeking: The role of fear of vulnerability and trauma history. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 69(2), 132–143. https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000591
Rickwood, D., Thomas, K., & Bradford, S. (2021). Help-seeking for mental health problems in young people and adults: A review of barriers and facilitators. BMC Psychiatry, 21, 124. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-021-03143-6
Smith, R., Lane, R., Parr, T., & Friston, K. (2021). Neurocomputational mechanisms underlying emotional awareness and avoidance in depression and trauma. Translational Psychiatry, 11, 300. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41398-021-01445-7
Van der Kolk, B. A., & Fisher, J. (2021). Restoring self-regulation: Integrating polyvagal and trauma therapies. Clinical Psychology Review, 87, 102030. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2021.102030
Williams, L. M., Schlesinger, D., & Grieve, R. (2022). The neuroscience of emotional dysregulation and implications for therapy. Journal of Affective Disorders, 307, 217–225. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2022.04.007
