Helping Our Youth Build Confidence
As a mother of 2 boys, being a parent or caregiver is the most challenging yet rewarding job. One of the most important things we can do for those we are in charge of is teach them how to be responsible, resilient, and confident. This sounds like a fairly easy task, but in reality, how do we accomplish this? The top 5 ways that I have seen my children grow in confidence, responsibility, and resilience were actually harder for me to implement than they were for them to accomplish.
Our youngest son is now a 4th grader, but he struggled with anxiety during his kindergarten and 1st grade years due to things happening at school. So, to combat these feelings of anxiousness that he started to have, my instinct was just to make life easy for him and rescue him from anything that would bring those anxious feelings. I wanted to protect him. I quickly realized that although my heart and intentions were to help, what I was doing was feeding his anxiety. We noticed that his confidence was decreasing; he didn’t want to go to public places, eat out at restaurants, speak to people he didn’t know, or do anything that made him feel uncomfortable. At that point, I knew that protecting and allowing him to avoid those anxious feelings was not what I needed to be doing.
My husband and I decided that we needed to change the way we were handling our son's lack of confidence and anxiousness. We started doing these five things with him, and I’m not going to sugar-coat that it was hard. Two years into these changes, and our son is thriving, confident, and full of joy.
5 Things We Can Do to Help our Youth Be Confident
Talk about how their anxiousness or low-self-esteem are not who they are. Those feelings do not define what they are capable of accomplishing. They are simply “monsters” that are trying to hinder them.
Give them responsibilities and set them up for success. These could be simple things around the house like chores: making their bed, taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher, doing their laundry, etc.
The responsibilities can grow once they are successful and consistent with those tasks.
Praise them when they are successful and help them know that mistakes or failures are opportunities for growth and learning. The world will not end if they fail or make a mistake. We talk to our boys about how there are consequences for ALL their actions and choices, but every mistake or failure is an opportunity to learn.
Exposure to the environment/things that make them feel anxious or that they are not confident in. For example, with our son, we started encouraging him to order his own meals/drinks when we are at dinner, making eye contact and speaking clearly. Going into the grocery store and buying a few items on a list on his own. We live in a rural community, so this is safe for him to do, but you could go in with your child, have them find the items, and check out themselves with you close by. Or go into Chick-fil-A and order and pay by themselves. These simple tasks help them know that although they feel nervous or scared, the power they feel AFTER is confidence-building. Our son used to hide behind me when spoken to in public, even as a first grader. We helped him face his fears by not speaking for him or making excuses. Over time, he learned that the anxiety would pass, and now he speaks confidently to anyone who will listen.
We limit screen time and encourage communication and eye contact. Devices are not allowed at the dinner table, and we restrict our boys' device use/social media access. We've found that too much screen time can make them irritable and affect their confidence. Comparison is the thief of joy, so we also discuss that social media is the highlight reel and often not the whole story or picture. We frequently do device detoxes, spending an entire day without devices, playing games, going on mommy-son dates, and having conversations. I love to get them in the car; we drive without devices or music, letting them talk freely.
The overall idea is to expose our youth to hard things and give them the tools they need to problem-solve. When they see that they can do hard things, they feel proud, and their confidence grows knowing that they can do hard and uncomfortable things. The joy and confidence that come after they overcome something difficult is unmatched. Then, they will want to do more challenging things, CONFIDENTLY knowing they can.
